The ironic thing about Hurricane Irene, is that Irene in Greek (Irini) means "peace." Irene has brought nothing but chaos to my day today. With my flight from JFK leaving tomorrow, and the hurricane planning on touring our country up the east coast until Monday, my flights were cancelled and I immediately went into a panic. Unfortunately, I wont be able to be a part of most of the orientation in Madrid... if I can go to the orientation at all. Rebooking flights is hard when the person I have to book through doesn't work on the weekends, even in a hurricane. What's a girl to do?
I can become extremely anxious when life gets so off of my plan that there is nothing I can do. I have anxiety until a new plan starts, even if its not the plan I want. As long as there is a plan that I can see on paper and get organized with, I am much better off. Unfortunately, God doesn't give outlines of His plan, and so I am often left in the dark with my anxious stomach flipping around like I'm getting sea sickness.
I have no problem with showing up late to Madrid. The problem I do have, is my constant fear of being left behind. People moving forward, getting comfortable, growing up and making friends all before I even get there. I can easily feel left out or left behind, and I don't want to rely on the few people I do know to keep me in the loop.
I guess I'm going to pray for Hurricane Peace to give me peace of mind, and prayer. I have to get on top of my game for before I go away. I only found one Greek Orthodox Church in Madrid. My prayer game has to be on fire if I want to keep myself in the playoffs.
Haha, sports analogy for praying, that's awesome.
At least these two extra days give me more time with my family, and more time to clean my room. Tomorrow I'm going to drag Zack along to go painting with me, and then I'm going to have a hurricane sleepover with my best friend! With candles and everything! POWER OUTAGES!! CANDLES!!
Hopefully I can book a flight out of here by Monday. Prayers hardcore for that one!
Friday, August 26, 2011
Monday, August 1, 2011
Planks
This past week I had the pleasure of being a counselor to 13 beautiful Pop girls, ages 15-17. During our week we had an activity involving planks of wood... surprisingly called, Planks. Everyone got their own plank, and one side was called Weaknesses, and the other involved Strengths. Every day we went over one of the six pillars. We began with respect, then trust, and openness, and we finished with honesty, love, and forgiveness. After going over each pillar the campers and counselors were given time to write a weakness and strength involving that pillar. It was meant to be extremely self-reflective.
Each counselor got an opportunity to introduce one of the pillars in their own way. I was blessed to have the opportunity to explain love. Now, I haven't the slightest clue if there is a universal explanation for love and what it is, but I explained it as sacrifice. If God is love, than love is also sacrifice; because Christ sacrificed his life for us. A while back, I realized that I did not know how to love because I wasn't loving myself. If we're supposed to love others as we love ourselves, than we first have to love ourselves. I believe that the more we sacrifice, and the more we give of ourselves, the more love we will feel and the closer to God we will become. I went on like this a little more than maybe I should have, but often when I'm speaking I'm also realizing things about myself that I wouldn't have recognized had I not been speaking. If ever there is a moment that I have struggled with love, or loving others; it was because I was focusing solely on myself. Love is patient and kind and all of that other stuff, but love is sacrificial and giving of self which means in order to be fully loving my world must be centered on everyone else. If everyone loved each other the way they were supposed to than we wouldn't have to take care of ourselves, because there would always be a neighbor caring for us. I've never been afraid of death, only pain and suffering; all as a result of a broken heart. Sometimes I find myself loving so much that my heart hurts, or even that my love becomes an obsession which can often be a vice. But I strongly believe that the more a person gives of herself, the more a person learns about herself and the more a person learns how to love. Everything I've learned about myself has come from a sacrifice I have made; whether it was sacrificing my physical and emotional health, my time, or even sacrificing what I know so that I can understand what it means not to know. Somehow, I always grew from love and I've always known that when I love I am living with Christ in mind, because he is the only example of perfect love that I could know.
Aristotle said that you can never have too much of a virtue, too much love, too much courage, too much honesty; there's no such thing. However, when love turns into obsession, courage into carelessness, or honesty into rudeness, then it becomes a vice; and that is when we fall short and miss the mark.
Whatever I said to the campers that night felt extremely profound as if I wasn't the one saying it. It felt like a gift to be able to speak so articulately and to be challenged since I was speaking to people who were old enough to comprehend and learn from what I had to say. It feels great to be in a position to make a difference, even if I am constantly wondering if I am saying or doing the right thing.
I remember when I was a camper and every important thing a counselor ever said to me, I internalized it and lived by it in a lot of cases. I wanted to be like them, and I thought they knew everything because they spoke with such confidence. Now, being in that position myself and knowing how influential a counselor can be, it's important for me to take time and truly evaluate how I behave and speak around campers. I don't want to be the wrong kind of influence. I don't want to define love according to my own beliefs, and confuse anyone as to what the church says. Knowing is often more difficult than not knowing. At least by not knowing, the mistakes made cannot be owned by you. It's only by knowing the right thing and doing the wrong thing that we can truly be culpable for our mistakes.
Each counselor got an opportunity to introduce one of the pillars in their own way. I was blessed to have the opportunity to explain love. Now, I haven't the slightest clue if there is a universal explanation for love and what it is, but I explained it as sacrifice. If God is love, than love is also sacrifice; because Christ sacrificed his life for us. A while back, I realized that I did not know how to love because I wasn't loving myself. If we're supposed to love others as we love ourselves, than we first have to love ourselves. I believe that the more we sacrifice, and the more we give of ourselves, the more love we will feel and the closer to God we will become. I went on like this a little more than maybe I should have, but often when I'm speaking I'm also realizing things about myself that I wouldn't have recognized had I not been speaking. If ever there is a moment that I have struggled with love, or loving others; it was because I was focusing solely on myself. Love is patient and kind and all of that other stuff, but love is sacrificial and giving of self which means in order to be fully loving my world must be centered on everyone else. If everyone loved each other the way they were supposed to than we wouldn't have to take care of ourselves, because there would always be a neighbor caring for us. I've never been afraid of death, only pain and suffering; all as a result of a broken heart. Sometimes I find myself loving so much that my heart hurts, or even that my love becomes an obsession which can often be a vice. But I strongly believe that the more a person gives of herself, the more a person learns about herself and the more a person learns how to love. Everything I've learned about myself has come from a sacrifice I have made; whether it was sacrificing my physical and emotional health, my time, or even sacrificing what I know so that I can understand what it means not to know. Somehow, I always grew from love and I've always known that when I love I am living with Christ in mind, because he is the only example of perfect love that I could know.
Aristotle said that you can never have too much of a virtue, too much love, too much courage, too much honesty; there's no such thing. However, when love turns into obsession, courage into carelessness, or honesty into rudeness, then it becomes a vice; and that is when we fall short and miss the mark.
Whatever I said to the campers that night felt extremely profound as if I wasn't the one saying it. It felt like a gift to be able to speak so articulately and to be challenged since I was speaking to people who were old enough to comprehend and learn from what I had to say. It feels great to be in a position to make a difference, even if I am constantly wondering if I am saying or doing the right thing.
I remember when I was a camper and every important thing a counselor ever said to me, I internalized it and lived by it in a lot of cases. I wanted to be like them, and I thought they knew everything because they spoke with such confidence. Now, being in that position myself and knowing how influential a counselor can be, it's important for me to take time and truly evaluate how I behave and speak around campers. I don't want to be the wrong kind of influence. I don't want to define love according to my own beliefs, and confuse anyone as to what the church says. Knowing is often more difficult than not knowing. At least by not knowing, the mistakes made cannot be owned by you. It's only by knowing the right thing and doing the wrong thing that we can truly be culpable for our mistakes.
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