“Why worry? What is meant for you is always
meant to find you.” – Indian poet-saint Lalleshwari
One of the challenges of getting started on a
grand adventure, or feeling ‘settled’ or ‘comfortable’ in every day life, is
money, and worry.
Everyone I know always has something to say
about money. I need it, I want it, I don’t have it, I spend it, it was given to
me, etc. Everyone has some kind of feeling about the precious dollar bill.
Although I have always had what I needed, and
then some, I have always worried about money. Having enough, making enough, not
making any so making sure that I save
enough.
Enough for…? Well, to make my wildest dreams
come true of course! For my babies that I don’t have, my house that I don’t
currently want, my furthering education that I haven’t yet decided on, and the
big move that I know I will some day make.
A finite truth, in this life, is that money
is freedom. A common misconception,
in my opinion, is that money is power. Debate that as you wish, but one thing
for sure is that nothing has power in
one’s life unless one gives it the
power. And what that means, is that when a person gives power to their fears or
worries, it becomes the rule of their life. It’s true for anything or anyone in
life. For a long time, my holding, saving, and carefully spending, was my way
of giving money the power. I hoarded it for myself to rid myself of negative
feelings that came from the possibility of lack.
Money had the power to make me worry, fear, and sometimes to miss out on what I
wanted. When I gave gifts I felt immense join, but always accompanied by worry
for the shortage that might come afterwards.
But there never was a shortage. The more I
gave of my time, and my money, the more I received those things from others
tenfold. The more I said I would have no money, the truer it became. The more I
lived as if there wouldn’t be a
shortage, the more plentifully I received in the exact way that I wanted or
needed.
The less I worried and feared, the less I
would encounter things that I had previously worried and feared about.
The trick has become thus; trust in the
Universe - trust in the Lord, trust in God – and the supply of the Divine will
be endless. God is a bottomless pit of goodness, rightness, wealth, health, and
happiness and He/She gives it out freely. All I have to do is ask. In fact, all
I have to do is say what I want to be
true and give love and gratitude to the world around me while expecting nothing in return. “Fake it till you make
it.” (Pretend to be healthy, full of love, happy, abundant, and eventually your
life will be made into that. It is tricking the ego into not worrying or
fearing by convincing deepest desires – the ego – that it is satisfied. And so
satisfaction will be thus.) At least, that’s the method I’ve been trying, and
so far, God’s supply has never been short for my Path of Life’s demand. “Knock
and the door shall be opened unto ye. Seek and ye shall find” – Bible, Matthew
7:7.
But, “When you knock, [make sure to] ask to
see God… not any of the self-appointed intermediaries.” – Henry David Thoreau
The Bible says, “Whatsoever a man soweth that
shall he also reap” – Bible, Galatians 6:7. Meaning, whatever one says, or does
in this life will return to them. (Karma.)
The message, when it comes to worry and fear,
is to live as if it doesn’t exist. Concern for worries or fears attracts or brings on more worry or fears. Instead, I try to take all the power away from it. My concern
has always been money, and so to get rid of that concern, I must live as if I
am rich! Giving to people left and right, buying what my heart says is needed
or desired (with goodness and cheerfulness), and trusting in God to provide me
with what is right and good in His time and according to His Perfect Goodness.
Then I will be rich, always having
what I need or want because, through the Grace of God, there is no alternative other than happiness and
abundance. With no worry or fear, that’s what ya get.
In the Orthodox Christian Church we pray at a funeral
or memorial for the reposed to live in a place where there is no “pain, sorrow,
or suffering.” In this life, none of those things can exist if I give the power
to God and not fear or worry. Evil is the word for fear, negativity, and worry.
There’s no evil, if I don’t give those things the power over my feelings, my
behavior, or my beliefs. Instead I have begun to try hard to hand over all of
the power to the Will of God, and the Divine Plan. You cannot serve God (Perfect Goodness) and
evil (worry/fear) at the same time. “Ye cannot serve two masters.” - Matthew
6:24
And so, I have begun to throw all caution to
the wind. My life is blossoming with love, and fullness. I pray for God to open
the way for great abundance, health, and happiness, and give me what is good
and right that belongs to me according to His Will. Sometimes I pray for peace
and patience, and for God to give me a sign that will help me relieve negative
energy so that I can be filled with light.
The funny thing is, that it works. Prayer
works, and not because I feel light and pretty afterwards. God literally gives
answers that are tangible and solution based – that give me the exact sign or
message I need at the exact right time to bring me what is perfectly good and
right. Its not really what I think of or what I want, but it is always good and always what God demands I need.
“All things whatsoever ye ask in prayer,
believing, ye shall receive” – Matthew 21:22
“I tell you,
you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you've received it, it will be yours.” - Matthew 11:24
In order to go on my around-the-world
adventure, I had to completely release my hold on money. After all, I am going
to spend all that I have, and probably more than I currently have, with no
intention to work for money along the way.
I’ll volunteer in exchange for housing and food, but I haven’t considered
working for money. I want to give of myself as much as I can, and having a job
doesn’t feel like Divine Will, it feels like work for money. Its possible that having a job would be Divine Will but I
am not seeking one. The right income will find me at the right time.
When I began my trip and people asked me why
I would do it, one of their concerns
was the money I would be spending. “Don’t you want to spend it on a house? Or
save it for your wedding? Or your children?” As I said before, these were
reasons I had always saved and attempted at frugality for. And isn't it selfish not to save for my children and their future? But, for some Divine
reason, whenever someone asked me these questions, my automatic response was,
‘why worry? I have plenty of time to make it all back.’ Now if someone were to ask I would say the same thing, but I
wouldn’t wonder at all why that was my automatic response. Worry is irrelevant.
God will supply.
And, “There is a supply for every demand.” –
Florence Scovel Shinn
In order to start my journey I had to release
my hold on whatever was in my bank account. Seeing the number get bigger over
years of odd jobs always made me happy. But now, seeing the number get smaller
makes me feel like I haven’t wasted anything, I feel fulfilled and open to the Divine Plan. I haven’t
hoarded any goodness. I’m sharing it with the world – and I believe that money
is just as much a representation of the flow of goodness as tangible acts of
kindness. Keeping, saving, hoarding, or not distributing money in some way feels vain or selfish now. Even
saving for my (not yet existing) children feels that way. Of course they will
have the right amount at the right time. I’m not the one who makes or breaks
their future and neither is money. How can God supply if I don't always trust That He/She will?
But I’m finding also that, just as
willingness to spend and keep the circulation of money and goodness flowing in
the world can benefit my soul, so can receiving. I am a really bad receiver. I can't take a compliment, and I almost instantly refuse any and all spontaneous gifts offered to me. 'No, no, you keep it.' Or 'Let's split it.' Instead of, 'thank you, that's really sweet.'
“Never turn down a free meal.” – Nasser
A friend I made in Norway gave me the wise
advice to never turn down a free meal, and I am taking it one step further.
Just as I am meant to give, I am also meant to receive. Even when a poor man gives, I must imagine him prosperous and receiving tenfold, and that is how I can receive with gratitude and humility. Refusing a gift, for whatever negative reason (which it always is) blocks the Divine flow of goodness and leaves the person lacking even more than the gift they originally refused to recieve. Turning down a gift may be the same as ignoring God’s Will outright. How insulting! I think that, maybe,
we are meant to receive because we
are meant to be grateful, and how can one be grateful if one never accepts
anything they are meant to receive? A humble and grateful heart will always
receive as much as he/she gives – and so the pattern continues.
Traveling has opened my life to the cycle of
giving and receiving – and in doing so I give up my hold on my life and my
money. I try to surrender to the Lord, as one might say. And the only thing
that I can absolutely expect without
a doubt, is that whatever comes to pass will be good and right for me.
--------------------------
An interesting anecdote occurred in my life
after I had finished writing this blog entry. My mom and I arrived in Milan via
train from Venice. After exiting the train station we walked to the taxi stand
because we didn’t want to walk with our luggage in the rain. While in line, a
man who was hard of hearing, was begging for money with a sad little dog that
he kept in his carriage. I gave him some of my change thinking I need to give more and not hold onto
goodness. A few minutes later I asked if I could pet the dog and he said a
lot of things in Italian from which I gathered was something like “you have to
pay me 2 Euro to pet me dog.” The gall on
this guy, I thought. Annoyed with the man, at charging to pet his sad dog, and because I already paid him, I decided to just fain ignorance saying “I don’t
speak Italian, I don’t understand” and move on. Shortly down the line (it was a
rather long taxi line) I saw a woman in raggedy clothes begging for money. I
thought, I already gave all my change to
that guy and he turned out to give me a bad feeling... But I have to have faith that God provides. I have a few Euros,
and why would I hold onto it if I know God will provide? So I gave the lady
a Euro. To my delight and surprise she was extraordinarily
grateful. She lit up like a Christmas tree, thanking me profusely. All I
could say was, dios te bendiga in
Spanish, which means “God bless you.” As I turned away to rejoin my mom, I
thought: she was so grateful, I should go
back and give her 20 Euro. I wonder what effect that has on someone begging, to
receive 20 Euro. Will she beg more thinking “oh this works” or will she see
that it is a sign from God? Nonetheless we were rushed into a taxi a moment
later and because I didn’t get to give the woman more money I said a prayer
under my breath, ‘God I trust that you will provide what is good and right in
abundance for that woman and for me to continue to share Your goodness.’
A few hours later, my mom and I went to a
quaint local restaurant a short walk from our hotel. The food was divine and
the waitress - who laughed, was patient, and enjoyed our complex language
barrier interaction - was full of light. But that’s not part of my anecdote.
Towards the end of dinner, a woman walked by our table, bent over and picked up
a 20 Euro bill and asked if it was mine. I thought right away that it was,
because my pocket was unzipped and had a 20 in it. So I took it. But when I
counted the total I realized it was extra, and immediately (for some Divine
reason) the image of the woman at the train station popped into my head and I
felt her immense sense of gratitude. Foolishly ignoring the sign from God, I
thought maybe that the waitress dropped a 20 from the check she just walked by
with. I said to my mom, ‘It may be a gift from God, or maybe the waitress
dropped it. I will know which it is based on whether the waitress takes it or
not.’ The waitress said it wasn’t hers. I realized after some more reflection,
that I had written this blog earlier in the day about giving and receiving. And
even so, I didn’t claim what God gave me as my own, I tried to re-gift it to
the waitress rather than be grateful for it. God was teaching me a lesson. He was thanking me for continuing to have faith after the man with the dog nearly made me doubt, and he was teaching me to recieve as graciously as I was willing to give. I
immediately said a prayer, “God thank you for your abundance and for teaching
me humility and gratitude. I will claim what belongs to me according to Your
Will and trust that you will continue to grant me health, happiness and
abundance in Your time and according to what is right in Your Perfect Goodness.”
And that was the end.
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