No Excuses, No Complaints, Just do it and Love it

“Judge not the speck in your brothers eye when you have a plank in your own.” For if you see a speck in your brother’s eye, than it is more likely that you have a plank in your own.

Sometimes I have plank eyes, and it keeps me from seeing the beauty in others. It keeps me from loving the beach, and the breeze, the smell of the rain, and the coffee seeds. It keeps me from seeing warmth in someone’s eyes, because all I smell is garbage and all I see are flies. The goal however, is to see everything as it is, everyone as they are, and love it all.

 Life is so much simpler while traveling. It's just as easy to look at something and see that it is ugly as it is to look at something and see that it is beautiful. 

I’ve learned a lot about what to expect in Southeast Asia – things I used to be uptight about, or need to control that I can understand now are not meant to be in my control. I am not meant to waste energy on caring about what functions as I think it should and what doesn't. In Southeast Asia, I expect everything to move more slowly. I expect to need to simplify my language and adapt to new languages – and never ever ever brush away someone just because we aren’t finding communicating easy. I expect to get what I need when I need it according to my plan, another plan, or some miraculous plan – all of my needs will be met. I expect the mini van to show up on the deserted road, for there to always be a ride whether I paid a $50, $2 or nothing at all. There is always food, a toilet and accommodation near. I expect detours and the unplanned plan – the plan that everyone who speaks the local language knows about and doesn't tell me. I expect beauty, and beauty finds me.

I’ve learned that this is an essential attitude in life, and travel. Love the goodness of the experiences, the adventure, the newness, the oldness, the faces, the colors, the smells, and savor the feeling of it all.

On several occasions I have been invited to travel with people I had just met, and in my mind I usually had apprehensions. Am I really going to agree to go with these people I don’t know, to a place I don’t know, and having intensely personal experiences without having any idea how they react to their environment or how we will travel together? Yep. Sometimes I didn’t join, because I knew I needed to take the time to do some things for myself. Other times, my heart screamed at me to “just say yes!” despite whatever apprehensions I was feeling.

Following intuition, and ignoring the ego that creates fear, doubt, and limitations can open up someone’s heart to new people, new experiences, and all of the in-between that most people say “I can’t” to, “I’m uncomfortable” with, or the experiences that people complain about. I’ve learned to stop and think about why “I can’t," why something, someone makes me feel “uncomfortable,” or what is in my head telling me to complain. More often than not, it has entirely to do with my feelings about myself, feelings about my capabilities, willingness to try new things, my adaptation to authentic experiences and people – and sometimes it’s instinct.

People tend to like their comfort zone – it’s comfortable. It’s when wanting “comfort” becomes an excuse that keeps from a new experience, that it is no longer about comfort at all – it’s about fear. The comfort level becomes a “no trespassing” zone. Most people don’t realize that saying “no” or wanting to stay in their “comfort zone” may be because of fear, and/or self-doubt. I think about Americans I know, and I can see how many live inside of their space and make excuses using words like “comfort” or “can’t” to stay in their space, or complain all along the way no matter how brilliant their lives are. They choose to watch through their window rather than go outside and join in. I can see how this is good for some people, but it is imperative for everyone to take a step back to determine if their decisions are being made out of doubt, or fear, and - if it is so - to go on doing exactly the opposite of what the fear says.

Overcome, heal, and face your own fears, especially the ones that have put limitations on life in seemingly insignificant ways - the ones that say you can’t climb that ladder, get to that appointment, make that jump, find that key, replace that flat tire, cook that meal, enjoy that day, attract that guy etc. You will see that cutting down the red tape around the “comfort zone” will add to who you are. Parts of yourself that you didn’t know existed, let alone were missing, will shine brightly and attract others like a moth to a flame. You will feel joy and love.

Things I do that I always said “no” to before, or thought within limits about, have now become second nature to me, to the point where I find it difficult to understand people who don’t embrace this freedom. The intellectual freedom that comes with knowing anything is possible brings an embracing love to oneself and to life.

That’s what makes leaving the comfort zone so crucial. That's what makes traveling so awesome! Constant new experiences help people to reflect on themselves, and when they do they will see that something can change, and life is always beautiful. 

I think that going anywhere alone brings more attention to the workings in the body and mind in this way. Traveling alone has given this gift to me. I notice the world more, I observe interactions deeply, I can recognize my feelings and reflect before responding. Moreover, I can see why feelings arise and what within myself may need healing or growth. I have all the time in the world and it is all mine. That doesn’t mean that there is no struggle. Some days I am battling off my internal complaints, and fighting away negativity, trying to allow myself the freedom to feel sadness and anger without permitting it to take over completely. Sometimes its hard for friends back home to understand that traveling is my life now, they are not interrupting me by being a part of it by staying connected. Its not a vacation that i need a break from everyone for. Lack of connections from home or other travelers can make traveling solo feel even more alone on some days. Other days I am full of joy for everything and everyone I come across. I am focused, calm, and able to let go of any and all need for control so that I embrace whatever finds me. On those days good people and adventures always find me. 100% guarenteed.

Releasing the “no” and cutting down the caution tape around my comfort zone has been an enormous release. I can see a giant spider in my room, and instead of jumping on my bed and yelling for someone to come kill it, I take a closer look and tell it how beautiful it is – and ask it nicely to leave my room. It’s silly, and I laugh at myself, but then the spider always does leave my room.

I've grown so that all I expect is love, and goodness. I don’t expect people to think, live, or love the same as I do either. When I come across people who don’t behave lovingly, I can see that maybe they are not at the stage of thinking where loving others and themselves is something they can fully comprehend – so I can love them for where they are and be happy that they are on their own journey. Love is conceptual, so that everyone knows what it is and that it is good, however learning how to love takes time.

 Just as showing love to myself, can change the way others show love to me. I encourage you to look within yourself and beyond yourself. Get rid of the “no” and think about the reason for it, don’t allow fear, doubt, or imaginary limits, to rule you. Don’t judge, lest you become the judgment you have made, and that includes judging yourself and creating limitations. Explore! Go on adventures! Makes lists of things you’ve never done but always wanted, lists of ways you want to be treated, lists of things you are afraid of - and then what you do is you DO the things you wanted, HUG your fears, and SURROUND YOURSELF with what makes you feel good. And you do it all by loving. Then watch in awe while your world is rocked.

Even if you don't travel, you can still open yourself up in the same way. Anyone can have the heart of a traveler.