The Stage of Change

There are several feelings in life that people are constantly reaching to attain. Balance. Enlightenment. Peace. Happiness.

In many ways its a curse to constantly feel the need to reach for something. I've learned to think of it as a blessing, as something that is hard to find in others. For me, I am always diligently trying to attain a higher sense of self, and I believe that is a strength of mine that I often seek in others. I've realized over time that everyone, including myself, are stuck in their habits in thought and deed, and they are challenging habits to break. In that sense, we are all addicts. In a way, I have been an addict since my teenage years, by being stuck in my ideology. Addicts go through what is clinically called the transtheoretical stages of change. First, its the steps we deny taking when we don't realize that we want to change. Then, its trying to change but not being able to keep up with self-employed expectations of that change. Followed, by either settling into a comfortable new state, or reverting back to life before the change. The reverting back is what everyone calls "relapse."

Relapse is the part that makes people cringe. Many fail to realize that relapse is going to happen, and often times it is necessary. Enlightenment or a realization period is the first step to change, and to relapse. That's part of what makes relapse so beautiful. You must come to a place where you think differently about yourself before you can start to change, and relapse is necessary in order to help with the next 'thinking differently' moment you will have before the next change. Imagine you are holding a rope, and the other end is being held by your goals. Each time you cut that rope, and draw away from your goals you are relapsing. Granted that 'relapsing' has poor connotations, it still requires enlightenment. When someone is enlightened again after relapse its like taking those cut ends of rope and tying them together. Once you tye the ropes, you are one knot closer to your goals. A person does not have to relapse to make the rope closer together, but thats the result of combining enlightenment and change. Its many relapses that are necessary before theres no rope at all and the last enlightenment that caused change has brought you to your goal. There is no more room for knots. Sometimes this takes a lifetime to achieve.

My change began in January 2013 when I decided that attaining peace, enlightenment, and behaving with humility, love, trust, and gratitude was the way that I wanted to live my life. Before that, I was unchanged and not growing in the way I had always wanted to - my goals felt unattainable. I say to myself now, that change is necessary for growth, so if nothing is changing then you're not really giving yourself opportunities to grow.
I am over a year and a half later now, and my world is different. The universe has clearly laid a path for me to get to where I am physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Throughout that time little bumps lay in the road that caused me to grow, only after first relapsing. Doubt, is an easy road to relapse. I worried, and doubted, and didnt trust myself at times. I struggled with relationships. To help me grow the universe brought me to new friends at the perfect time, I had questions - I got answers, I changed the way I thought, even the way I breathed, and all along the way little moments kept presenting themselves to me, a byproduct of which was thinking deeper and growing more. I was ambivalent long enough to get to my state. I "relapsed" enough times by not living with love and forgetting about those goals. Finally, I am ready to be content and grounded in my beliefs about the world, who I am, and how to love. I am fearless.

I believe that I have been set up on this path to prepare me for what is next - a trip around the world. I don't know how far I will get, and I don't know how the travels will unfold. I am as prepared as I possibly could be with all of the documents and products I need - but also with all of the growth and change in thinking that was necessary to get me ready for the array of emotional interactions I will have. I am so ready to look around and see beauty. I have seen beauty inside of sorrow and struggle, and I have seen beauty by way of majesty and nature. I love the way that I think about people and the world. I love the amount of insight and observation I have in my ability to "take it all in" as my mom would say.

So here I go. I don't know if I will be gone 2 months, 7 months, or a full year, or beyond. I do know that I am ready to further experience humanity, and I know that humanity is ready to experience me.
So as I embark on my next adventure, I would like to ask you a favor. I'm probably outside of my rights, because no one owes me anything, however, I ask this; once in a while, muster all the love you have and say a positive wish for me out loud. Maybe send me an email to read and soothe the occasional loneliness. Mostly, think well of me - for me. 

This trip will be a challenge, but it will moreso be a joy. Its my next and biggest opportunity to "think differently" again, and continue to grow and be challenged by my world and the universe.
 Here are some things I continue to tell myself to keep me balanced. These things will be on repeat while I am traveling and constantly pushing myself. Here goes:

Try not to say "don't" when it comes to what you want - its important to say what you want with love not negativity. Stay in the light. Write. Stretch. Dance to street music. Hear peoples' stories. Be humble. Find a way to have gratitude for every moment, every one, and every thing - even if at first you feel negative about it. No matter what you will always be different and it will always be a challenge to understand how others are different - remember to be open to those differences. Be open to learning. Think of your friends and family often, but avoid dwelling. Never sit around waiting for nothing, also never become restless. Stare at the view, not photos. Sleep where you're comfortable. Trust your heart, and recognize that negative feelings come from your lacking in gratitude, humility, and love, or that your negativity can be a product of the environment and transference from surroundings. Make sure everyone you are leaving behind feels loved by you. For all intensive purposes - we have only one life and when you're dead, thats it. All you have is what you know, what you remember, and how you think. Take extremely good care of your body. Never talk like you're gonna die, be hurt, or experience a struggle. Even struggle is beautiful if it does happen, because its not a struggle if you love it anyway. When you have a negative thought, give it a hug and send it on its way. Laugh out loud with your whole heart. Let others know what you appreciate about them. Never tease, only compliment. Remember to keep it positive. Positivity is not a real word, but we're going to make it one. Love the world and remember that, it - and we - are beautiful.