It can be a real struggle to keep myself balanced while traveling, and a partner makes it all the more challenging. I want what I want, and I want it now. I'm all about making sacrifices for the heard, but continual sacrifice - like continual selfishness - do not make for a good travel partner. They just make for a grade-A bitch.
This is a challenge for anyone, and everyone: How to travel with a partner. No matter who that partner is, or how long you are traveling for. Certainly at first, when you are getting your bearings, and figuring out how you and your partner work together. And certainly by the end of your trip together, when you are ready to make-up, break-up, or keep-it-up, and both of you are also coping with returning back to where ever it is you came from. A lot of people underplay what these sorts of changes can mean for a person, and that coping with change can be emotional. I have been traveling for a month now. I have been to 6 different countries, only three of which have been unfamiliar to me.
What would normally be a small daily hurdle for me to overcome, can become an emotional struggle for balance and stability when traveling. Now, do that with a partner, and also do it for yourself, and consider your environment - all at once. Thats the task. I have three (me, my travel partner, and the community I'm in) different ideals, emotions, struggles, traditions, coping mechanisms, and I have to figure out how to make allllll of that work. From what I've seen while traveling, a lot of folks don't even consider that there is a third party involved in all of their experiences. The environment. Particularly as traveling young people, the environment has to be considered and respected.
I am constantly in a position to choose, accept, or reject new experiences and ideas as my own. Everyone is. Whether you believe in God or not, there are certainly scientifically proven energies that are a part of us. Some people call it the holy spirit. In clinical terms we would call the energies simply emotion or transference, countertransference. Essentially, it is the connection - the cause and effect of your emotions and coping skills, with everyone elses' emotions and within the environment. All of that hostile, tranquil, pent-up, or solemn energy that hits you hard and infrequently in every day life - it hits you harder when traveling - sometimes suddenly, more frequently. Then here you are, dealing with your own hurdles, while someone else who you are suppose to care about and make decisions with is dealing with emotional challenges of their own. Not to mention, the people who don't deal with their crazy emotional challenges at all, let alone while on vacation, or directly, or in terms that are conceivable to communicate with and solve problems. Not to sound too cynical, but as self-aware as you say or think you are - you are 1,000 times not that self-aware - i tell myself that to stay humble but also because it is true. I try to remember, for when I'm feeling all high-and-mighty, to not point out the speck in my brother's eye when I have a plank in my own. I try to remember that traveling isn't about judging or clumping people into a category, its about understanding and learning.
Traveling with partners has really showed me how single-minded I can be - or not single-minded, but boxed in. We can't help the amount of ignorance we have, its a matter of accepting new information to overcome ignorance. Many people reject what is new, because ignorance is blissful and happy. What you dont know literally does not hurt you because it does not effect the way you think or your perspective on the world. And knowledge - especially new knowledge, or knowledge about realities of peoples struggles or struggles in the world - can cause anger. So a lot of people choose ignorance. I believe new knowledge, my new knowledge, can sometimes scare me or anger me - but it eventually helps me to be more empathetic. Its for that reason that I try to be grateful for the struggle. Struggle makes me better in the long run.
People often travel to make something theirs. You would probably be traveling to make something yours - at least in terms of a certain memory or idea of what you want. Some notion of what you desire deep down is what makes your take on a life so unique. I definitely don't want exactly what you want. We might like a good amount of stuff together, but there has to be an opportunity for your experience to be only yours. My friends are my friends because we treat each other the way we want and need, not necessarily because we have the same philosophy on life.
Traveling with my brother these past three weeks has been a challenge, and it has been wonderful. We both like the notion of making memories together, and spreading out on our own for different experiences as well. It's good to have a home base when you travel. It seems only natural that when one travels with a partner, that person becomes the home base. Sometimes thats the only other person who sounds like you, looks like you, or wants to talk to you when you're traveling. It's a piece of where you came from, and where you are. Sometimes it's comforting - familiar, safe - and in some cases its a reminder of somewhere you never want to return to, or are always yearning for.
So there it is, balance is the answer to everything once again - and when traveling with a partner you will need it, for yourself, for your partnership, and for your environment.
And we all want to be heros in our own lives.
This is a challenge for anyone, and everyone: How to travel with a partner. No matter who that partner is, or how long you are traveling for. Certainly at first, when you are getting your bearings, and figuring out how you and your partner work together. And certainly by the end of your trip together, when you are ready to make-up, break-up, or keep-it-up, and both of you are also coping with returning back to where ever it is you came from. A lot of people underplay what these sorts of changes can mean for a person, and that coping with change can be emotional. I have been traveling for a month now. I have been to 6 different countries, only three of which have been unfamiliar to me.
My method has been to get my bearings the first day by walking around, then I feel settled and familiar by the second day, and by day three I am ready for a unique adventure or excursion. Day four is the same as day three and on day five I feel, not only comfortable, but completely relaxed. Its important to me to familiarize myself quickly so that I can feel relaxed sooner. I take my time to slow down after initially settling in, because of the rush of change. The exhaustion of travel is nothing. It is a rush though, like a wind sweeping into you and then, when you leave, all at once the wind takes your breath. It rushes in and rushes out, like a wave.
I waited in the airport for 6 hours after losing my luggage, and when it was over it felt like no time at all. The time I felt relied completely on the stress of losing my luggage - which I have back now. Time, waiting - its unimportant - we find ways to occupy ourselves. The exhaustion comes from the changing elements and the adaptation, not from the travel. Even when I haven't slept, I am alert, because I am traveling and - unless I'm in my bedroom - I usually have to be at least semi-alert and aware of my surroundings. It's for this reason that a travel partner can make things easier, by taking from you the burden of being solely responsible. If you didn't see or hear information you need, you have someone else who probably did. Then again, the shared responsibility is also what makes traveling with a partner more of a challenge. Sharing anything can be a challenge - whether its parts of yourself, your things, your knowledge - to give and take the right amount requires balance.
What would normally be a small daily hurdle for me to overcome, can become an emotional struggle for balance and stability when traveling. Now, do that with a partner, and also do it for yourself, and consider your environment - all at once. Thats the task. I have three (me, my travel partner, and the community I'm in) different ideals, emotions, struggles, traditions, coping mechanisms, and I have to figure out how to make allllll of that work. From what I've seen while traveling, a lot of folks don't even consider that there is a third party involved in all of their experiences. The environment. Particularly as traveling young people, the environment has to be considered and respected.
I am constantly in a position to choose, accept, or reject new experiences and ideas as my own. Everyone is. Whether you believe in God or not, there are certainly scientifically proven energies that are a part of us. Some people call it the holy spirit. In clinical terms we would call the energies simply emotion or transference, countertransference. Essentially, it is the connection - the cause and effect of your emotions and coping skills, with everyone elses' emotions and within the environment. All of that hostile, tranquil, pent-up, or solemn energy that hits you hard and infrequently in every day life - it hits you harder when traveling - sometimes suddenly, more frequently. Then here you are, dealing with your own hurdles, while someone else who you are suppose to care about and make decisions with is dealing with emotional challenges of their own. Not to mention, the people who don't deal with their crazy emotional challenges at all, let alone while on vacation, or directly, or in terms that are conceivable to communicate with and solve problems. Not to sound too cynical, but as self-aware as you say or think you are - you are 1,000 times not that self-aware - i tell myself that to stay humble but also because it is true. I try to remember, for when I'm feeling all high-and-mighty, to not point out the speck in my brother's eye when I have a plank in my own. I try to remember that traveling isn't about judging or clumping people into a category, its about understanding and learning.
Traveling with partners has really showed me how single-minded I can be - or not single-minded, but boxed in. We can't help the amount of ignorance we have, its a matter of accepting new information to overcome ignorance. Many people reject what is new, because ignorance is blissful and happy. What you dont know literally does not hurt you because it does not effect the way you think or your perspective on the world. And knowledge - especially new knowledge, or knowledge about realities of peoples struggles or struggles in the world - can cause anger. So a lot of people choose ignorance. I believe new knowledge, my new knowledge, can sometimes scare me or anger me - but it eventually helps me to be more empathetic. Its for that reason that I try to be grateful for the struggle. Struggle makes me better in the long run.
I feel like its important to keep multiple perspectives and empathize. To do that and still do what you want. Fulfill your dreams. It has taken me even further outside of myself by seeing the perspectives; my affects on the community, how people receive me, how dumb I might sound if I haven't educated myself on the area or the language. Your partner sees everything completely differently. They are creating the same painting, as a different artist and with a different technique.
People often travel to make something theirs. You would probably be traveling to make something yours - at least in terms of a certain memory or idea of what you want. Some notion of what you desire deep down is what makes your take on a life so unique. I definitely don't want exactly what you want. We might like a good amount of stuff together, but there has to be an opportunity for your experience to be only yours. My friends are my friends because we treat each other the way we want and need, not necessarily because we have the same philosophy on life.
Traveling with my brother these past three weeks has been a challenge, and it has been wonderful. We both like the notion of making memories together, and spreading out on our own for different experiences as well. It's good to have a home base when you travel. It seems only natural that when one travels with a partner, that person becomes the home base. Sometimes thats the only other person who sounds like you, looks like you, or wants to talk to you when you're traveling. It's a piece of where you came from, and where you are. Sometimes it's comforting - familiar, safe - and in some cases its a reminder of somewhere you never want to return to, or are always yearning for.
So there it is, balance is the answer to everything once again - and when traveling with a partner you will need it, for yourself, for your partnership, and for your environment.
I try to have a healthy balance of me, my partner, and then me and my partner together. Healthy meaning, it doesn't make you fatter, slower, more anxious, angrier, sadder, or any of that other stuff. At least not constantly, or more than the normal fluctuation of every day life. Sometimes we feel negative feelings and don't realize its partly because of where we are or who we are with.
So far, I've learned to never be all about the other or I will drive myself crazy - maybe even erupt on someone or myself in the middle of my travels. On the other hand, having too much of me is sort of relative. In my life its all about me, 100% of the time. Everyone's life should be that way - after all it's your life and no one else's. Maybe, what makes a person strong in the community is that they are able to be 100% about their life - but also 100% in other ways and for others. I can be 100% about myself as long as I consider and empathize with everyone else's vantage points, respecting them by being the least harmful I can in getting what I want - preferably not harmful at all. Sacrifice should only happen when in the absence of sacrifice someone else would hurt for it. I feel that too many people sacrifice and it ends up hurting them - Is that what sacrifice is meant to do to us? Maybe they're doing it wrong? I don't believe sacrifice should happen if it leaves you hurt in a way that you can't cope with. If you're always sacrificing for everyone, all the time, then all you are is a self-tormented, self-proclaimed martyr. No one likes a self-proclaimed condescending hero. That's no hero at all.
And we all want to be heros in our own lives.
All the heroes in my life are humble, wise, respectful, and empathetic.
Maybe traveling with a travel partner - and doing it right so that no one is defined always by one thing or emotion - maybe that just means, making yourself your hero. Maybe thats what life is, making yourself into your hero - the one you always admired and strove to be. Be that person with those ideal characteristics, and only for yourself. I think if I do it right then other people will follow me, and they will you also - because when we are heroes for ourselves the secondary result is becoming a hero for others.
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