Are you a traveler or a tourist?

"Tourists don't know where they've been. Traveler's don't know where they're going." - Paul Michener

Thailand has shed some light on the backpacking whirlwind I was caught up in for the two months before I arrived there. I almost forgot what "normal" tourism was like. I almost forgot what Americans were like. Backpacking creates an entirely different environment than short-term tourism, and expat lifestyles.

G.K. Chesterton said it best, "The traveler sees what she sees. The tourist sees what she came to see."

Travelers and tourists lead essentially different travel experiences. The traveler or backpacker is a tourist and expat in one. We have a budget and we have an extended period of time - like an expat. We do this while we are foreigners trying to experience a new land and get the biggest bang for our buck - like a tourist. However, for some obvious reasons, and not so obvious ones, tourists and backpackers live very different travel lives.
So here are what I find to be the major differences between tourists and backpackers;

1. Time constraints - a backpacker is usually not in a hurry, usually doesn't have a place to be, and usually only makes his or her own time constraints when there is a sudden desire to go or do something different - or that sad day is approaching when they return home to work their ass off for the next adventure (or their visa expires). Backpackers travel on island time (we can meander and wander), not city speed (trying to fit everything in to the day at lightening pace). A tourist basically has a small window of time within which to fit all of his or her hopes and dreams of the place visited. A tourist is banging out the main spots, seeing and doing as much as they can while they can. We all are, really.

2. Money constraints - backpackers have this, big time. We want to see the world and we want to do it slowly, taking as much time as we want, and have a little bit of money left to survive when we're ready to settle down. The backpackers are looking for that local price. What you might spend on a weekend out with your buddies in the States, Australia, New Zealand, or Europe, seems pretty reasonable for those nights when you're off from work and want to spoil yourself. Well, that is every day for a backpacker, and "spoiling" yourself while traveling sometimes just means you are paying the tourist price for something that locals get the same of for cheaper. We are not about to "spoil ourselves" every damn day and still manage to travel the world for months or years.

3. Accommodation - Due to money, and sometimes personal need, tourists don't typically stay in backpacker hostels, or homestays. Anyone traveling less than a month is more than likely going to lay on the beach at a resort with Mai Thais being served to them by some guy who makes 2 cents an hour. I'm not knocking it, you're on vacation, you deserve to de-stress and have someone wait on you once in a while. No way in hell are you sleeping on a top bunk bed during your precious vacation time from your stressful life. As a backpacker, however, I am feeling pretty damn spoiled if there is air conditioning, an in-suite bathroom, a proper locker, and bread with jam for breakfast. Damn, sometimes you just want that American style buffet brunch, even though you know you wont eat half of the food offered, its there and that is luxurious in and of itself. I'm surprised I haven't peered through the window of the Marriott to watch brunch like its food porn. Window seat is free.

4. Transportation - again, money is a factor, but then again so is time. Buses take time, and are cheap - sometimes uncomfortable, sometimes overnight, sometimes the air-con leaks on your face, or the person next to you smells like they lived in India for 5 months without showering. I have been on overnight buses that were too short for my legs, so I stretch out over the top of my recliner kicking my neighbor in the head occasionally (that's how Vietnam introduced me to valium). Then there were overnight buses that were beds for two, and someone else with a ticket got to be my bed buddy (like in Laos, or Myanmar). One memorable trip was the overnight bed-bus in Laos, sweating without air-con and trying not to touch the sweaty body laying next to me for fear of sticking together and producing more heat. Then there are bus companies in some countries that are under the delusion that they are bigger and better depending on how loud they show a full-length feature film in the middle of the night (Myanmar with their Burmese soap operas, and Thailand with their blockbusters). I want to thank whatever Thai bus company it was that decided to show the second Hobbit film at the highest volume from 11pm to 2am. Sometimes earplugs are completely useless. My favorite buses are the ones during the day that play local music throughout the entire ride (Cambodia, Vietnam, Nepal) or slow down so that other locals can jump on the moving vehicle and we don't waste too much time by stopping (Nepal, Myanmar). I could discuss at length the sort of transportation I've used just to save a dollar. Motorbike for three with 5 bags of luggage. Overnight boat that was one giant bed for 100 people with insects falling in my face, and rain sweeping in from the window. Lots of times, when I'm on your average 5 hour mini van trip, the van would stop and all of the locals would get out, and I would have no idea what's going on. The best was when bathroom rest-stops in Nepal meant stopping at the jungle while the ladies go in one direction, and the men go in the other. There was always someone sharing tissues or hand sanitizer. I had a good laugh that time that I hopped on the wrong overnight bus at a rest stop and had to bang on the driver window, waking everyone up at 2am, so that he opened the door and I could jump off as it was moving to go and find my assigned bus. Thank God that was not a day that I indulged in a sleeping pill. Theres the time that the tuktuk driver didn't realize that I climbed on the roof of the car during a drive through the forest, so that I could take in the beautiful view of the mountains. Or that time 30 of us sat on the floor of a long-boat on our way to a no-name abandoned island for the day. -- Its interesting to hear about right? The reason I had these experiences was because I didn't want to pay for anything that would run my budget dry, and I had the time for it.  Unfortunately for tourists, these experiences are few and far between, simply due to the fact that land journeys take a lot longer than air, and a short term vacation usually means being able, and needing, to afford a domestic flight.

5. Tours - theres the kind of tours that are advertised at the Marriott, and theres the kind of tours advertised at the central backpackers hostel. This is when tourists can really lose out, paying double or triple what a backpacker would pay for the same thing and actually getting the same thing. Then there's times when you really truly get what you pay for, and the backpacker is lumped into a van or boat full of people hoping for the promised adventure and soon learning that they were all mislead about what they were paying for. Mainly its the difference between private tours and group tours - flower pedals on your clean bed every day, versus a leaky sink and stained towel. Sometimes its a roll of the dice, but always, as a backpacker, you have spirited people with you on the adventure!

6. Food - Well, really this also depends on the degree of openness that the traveler has. Sometimes it takes time for tourists to open up to the idea of eating on plastic patio furniture in the street with only a metal cart of food in baskets with flies all around, and a wok frying pan as the kitchen. It can take time for a foreigner to learn that this is what locals call a restaurant. I remember as a tourist in Morocco it was particularly difficult to choose a "local" place to eat based on cleanliness, since food poisoning was so common. Backpackers, expats, and sometimes locals, call the local run-in-the-mill restaurants "street food", and backpackers live off of it. I can pay $.50 in Myanmar, $2 in Cambodia, $1 in Laos, $1 in Vietnam, $2 in Thailand, $1 in Malaysia - and for that price I can have a delicious, home-cooked, all natural, local meal. Tourists are usually going where they are sent or recommended, and not looking around in order to stay in their budget. A tourist wants "local food" they go to a proper westernized restaurant and they get it, the same enormous plate I got for $1 in the street, they will get for $5 in a restaurant and it will be smaller and not like mama makes it. Of course, like I said, there are tourists who know better, have traveled much before, or are open to all of these new foods that you come across in travel. However there is no necessity to find cheap local eats, only desire. Backpackers have both the desire and the necessity.

7. Language - being a backpacker does not mean lower standards, it means no expectations. Hostels may not be concerned about how much English their staff speaks, and guesthouses and homestays definitely involve language barriers. As a long-term traveler, a backpacker can pick-up some crucial local words, or even learn the English words that a local could understand easier. For example, instead of saying "can you wait for me?" And repeating this over and over with sign language, I simply say "you wait me." It's almost always understood, and communication is more efficient. I have found that the poorer my English is, the better I am understood. Suddenly I am saying to friends back home things like "no have" and "wait me." This is not to say necessarily that tourists lack this skill, or even that all backpackers take the time to learn how to communicate, however, being in the same place for a long time and traveling at a slow pace creates an openmindedness that simply may not feel necessary for the traveler who is passing through. Sometimes learning is hard work, and people don't want to do it while on vacation.

"When you travel, remember that a foreign country is not meant to make you comfortable. It's meant to make its own people comfortable." - Clifton Fadiman

8. Attitude - One thing I have learned, for sure, the longer you stay in one place the more time you have to fall in love with it and the more tolerance you build. I have met negative backpackers, negative tourists, as well as tourists who are openminded and backpackers who put a sincere effort into loving and learning from every experience. Of course, after traveling for a while, the backpacker usually evolves into having a "backpacker ideal" of simplicity, fun, understanding, open-mindedness and ease. After traveling so many countries, and seeing how different people can be, the only way to truly live and love is with an open mind, and patience. Unfortunately this is when tourists often fail to take the time to grow from travel. There are so many people who go to a country for a short while, unfamiliar with customs and culture, expecting things to be accomplished in the same manner as it would at home. I have seen tourists yell at locals for making them wait because the bus was late. I have seen tourists insult locals, for the quality of the work that they do, to their face. Rather than comparing or observing customs, I have seen time and again the judging of them. The savvy tourist will have the open-mindedness and patience of a backpacker. Unfortunately not all tourists are savvy, and neither are all backpackers. However, backpackers will often flow with the culture and what is going on. I suppose this is also freeing for some people. Tourists, even the openminded and easy going ones, often don't have enough time to travel so that their stress is completely released and their need to control and plan dissipates. The ability to "flow" is much more difficult to obtain. It took me months before I was able to release all of my stress and float through some places, rather than force my plan and not create worry in a situation that is out of my control. It took me time before I was walking at a local pace. In some places dogs would bark at me like I was a threat to their life when I was moving quickly or breathing heavily - when I slowed my pace it was as if I became one with nature. The fact is that backpackers can simply show up, and have the freedom to figure things out as they go, and to do so at the pace of their choosing. Tourists don't have that luxury.

"If you reject the food, ignore the customs, fear the religion, and avoid the people - you might better stay at home." James A. Michener

9. Meeting locals and making friends - it has mainly been while traveling that I have experienced the natural connection between people. Often times back home, the person sitting next to you will observe and experience the same thing, and still no one will communicate about it. On hundreds, literally hundreds, of occasions while traveling it has been the norm to turn to the person next to me and start a conversation. Where are you from? We are more connected to where we are from and where we have been than the person sitting in front of us sometimes, as a result this questions is often asked before the person even introduces themselves. It is because of this that I make a conscious effort to ask people their names first. Then, there's the backpacker questions of: how long are you traveling for? Where have you been? What was your favorite place? Where did you start? I can now list off the countries I've traveled at lightning speed.
Backpackers get more in your business than tourists too. After all, we have been sharing rooms with strangers for months on end, and we understand the difficulty of budget travel. So backpackers don't hesitate to ask: where are you staying? How much does it cost? Even more so, how are you affording this? I have come up with my standard answers, and in doing so have realized that tourists don't really ask these questions, not unless they are desperately curious for the same thing and always with the prerequisite of "i hope you don't mind me asking." Tourists are more likely to keep to themselves, also more likely to be traveling or meeting up with other people. The tourist wants to talk enough to have share a moment, but not enough to make a travel companion. The backpacker is the same, we are all in constantly changing environments as travelers - when we meet those special people who are worth traveling with its really a gift. However, when a traveler is with a companion, or on a fixed plan, it is harder to leave their bubble and expand to new people and alternative plans.

10. The party - we all pretty much party the same. I think that tourists do this the right way, and backpackers could learn a bit. Again, it depends on the person, but when I am traveling in a conservative country I am mindful of that, and often times I look around and see backpackers and tourists in revealing clothes, publicly drunk, and yelling every which way to their friends. In this case, maybe we're all doing it wrong. But when it comes time to party, we can. We dance to the crappy electro music and Pitbull songs from 10 years ago, we get sweaty, drink buckets of alcohol (literally), and are completely open to meeting people.

I'd be interested to see if other people who have traveled can understand and agree with these points or not. Being a backpacker has made me feel as if I am a part of a secret society that understands something that others might not. We are well-rounded, but by accident, through travel osmosis. We have tasted it all, from the BBQ rat, to the luxurious air con hostel, to camping on a deserted tropical beach, to fried scorpion, to invitations from complete strangers to go on overnight excursions, and on and on with all of the awesome and weird travel opportunities we get, learning from each of them all along the way.

Cheers

How to Travel with a Travel Partner

It can be a real struggle to keep myself balanced while traveling, and a partner makes it all the more challenging. I want what I want, and I want it now. I'm all about making sacrifices for the heard, but continual sacrifice - like continual selfishness - do not make for a good travel partner. They just make for a grade-A bitch.

This is a challenge for anyone, and everyone: How to travel with a partner. No matter who that partner is, or how long you are traveling for. Certainly at first, when you are getting your bearings, and figuring out how you and your partner work together. And certainly by the end of your trip together, when you are ready to make-up, break-up, or keep-it-up, and both of you are also coping with returning back to where ever it is you came from. A lot of people underplay what these sorts of changes can mean for a person, and that coping with change can be emotional. I have been traveling for a month now. I have been to 6 different countries, only three of which have been unfamiliar to me.

My method has been to get my bearings the first day by walking around, then I feel settled and familiar by the second day, and by day three I am ready for a unique adventure or excursion. Day four is the same as day three and on day five I feel, not only comfortable, but completely relaxed. Its important to me to familiarize myself quickly so that I can feel relaxed sooner. I take my time to slow down after initially settling in, because of the rush of change. The exhaustion of travel is nothing. It is a rush though, like a wind sweeping into you and then, when you leave, all at once the wind takes your breath. It rushes in and rushes out, like a wave.

I waited in the airport for 6 hours after losing my luggage, and when it was over it felt like no time at all. The time I felt relied completely on the stress of losing my luggage - which I have back now. Time, waiting - its unimportant - we find ways to occupy ourselves. The exhaustion comes from the changing elements and the adaptation, not from the travel. Even when I haven't slept, I am alert, because I am traveling and - unless I'm in my bedroom - I usually have to be at least semi-alert and aware of my surroundings. It's for this reason that a travel partner can make things easier, by taking from you the burden of being solely responsible. If you didn't see or hear information you need, you have someone else who probably did. Then again, the shared responsibility is also what makes traveling with a partner more of a challenge. Sharing anything can be a challenge - whether its parts of yourself, your things, your knowledge - to give and take the right amount requires balance.

What would normally be a small daily hurdle for me to overcome, can become an emotional struggle for balance and stability when traveling. Now, do that with a partner, and also do it for yourself, and consider your environment - all at once. Thats the task. I have three (me, my travel partner, and the community I'm in) different ideals, emotions, struggles, traditions, coping mechanisms, and I have to figure out how to make allllll of that work. From what I've seen while traveling, a lot of folks don't even consider that there is a third party involved in all of their experiences. The environment. Particularly as traveling young people, the environment has to be considered and respected.

I am constantly in a position to choose, accept, or reject new experiences and ideas as my own. Everyone is. Whether you believe in God or not, there are certainly scientifically proven energies that are a part of us. Some people call it the holy spirit. In clinical terms we would call the energies simply emotion or transference, countertransference. Essentially, it is the connection - the cause and effect of your emotions and coping skills, with everyone elses' emotions and within the environment. All of that hostile, tranquil, pent-up, or solemn energy that hits you hard and infrequently in every day life - it hits you harder when traveling - sometimes suddenly, more frequently. Then here you are, dealing with your own hurdles, while someone else who you are suppose to care about and make decisions with is dealing with emotional challenges of their own. Not to mention, the people who don't deal with their crazy emotional challenges at all, let alone while on vacation, or directly, or in terms that are conceivable to communicate with and solve problems. Not to sound too cynical, but as self-aware as you say or think you are - you are 1,000 times not that self-aware - i tell myself that to stay humble but also because it is true. I try to remember, for when I'm feeling all high-and-mighty, to not point out the speck in my brother's eye when I have a plank in my own. I try to remember that traveling isn't  about judging or clumping people into a category, its about understanding and learning.

Traveling with partners has really showed me how single-minded I can be - or not single-minded, but boxed in. We can't help the amount of ignorance we have, its a matter of accepting new information to overcome ignorance. Many people reject what is new, because ignorance is blissful and happy. What you dont know literally does not hurt you because it does not effect the way you think or your perspective on the world. And knowledge - especially new knowledge, or knowledge about realities of peoples struggles or struggles in the world - can cause anger. So a lot of people choose ignorance. I believe new knowledge, my new knowledge, can sometimes scare me or anger me - but it eventually helps me to be more empathetic. Its for that reason that I try to be grateful for the struggle. Struggle makes me better in the long run.

I feel like its important to keep multiple perspectives and empathize. To do that and still do what you want. Fulfill your dreams. It has taken me even further outside of myself  by seeing the perspectives; my affects on the community, how people receive me, how dumb I might sound if I haven't educated myself on the area or the language. Your partner sees everything completely differently. They are creating the same painting, as a different artist and with a different technique.

People often travel to make something theirs. You would probably be traveling to make something yours - at least in terms of a certain memory or idea of what you want. Some notion of what you desire deep down is what makes your take on a life so unique. I definitely don't want exactly what you want. We might like a good amount of stuff together, but there has to be an opportunity for your experience to be only yours. My friends are my friends because we treat each other the way we want and need, not necessarily because we have the same philosophy on life.

Traveling with my brother these past three weeks has been a challenge, and it has been wonderful. We both like the notion of making memories together, and spreading out on our own for different experiences as well. It's good to have a home base when you travel. It seems only natural that when one travels with a partner, that person becomes the home base. Sometimes thats the only other person who sounds like you, looks like you, or wants to talk to you when you're traveling. It's a piece of where you came from, and where you are. Sometimes it's comforting - familiar, safe - and in some cases its a reminder of somewhere you never want to return to, or are always yearning for.

So there it is, balance is the answer to everything once again - and when traveling with a partner you will need it, for yourself, for your partnership, and for your environment.

I try to have a healthy balance of me, my partner, and then me and my partner together. Healthy meaning, it doesn't make you fatter, slower, more anxious, angrier, sadder, or any of that other stuff.  At least not constantly, or more than the normal fluctuation of every day life. Sometimes we feel negative feelings and don't realize its partly because of where we are or who we are with.

So far, I've learned to never be all about the other or I will drive myself crazy - maybe even erupt on someone or myself in the middle of my travels. On the other hand, having too much of me is sort of relative. In my life its all about me, 100% of the time. Everyone's life should be that way - after all it's your life and no one else's. Maybe, what makes a person strong in the community is that they are able to be 100% about their life  - but also 100% in other ways and for others. I can be 100% about myself as long as I consider and empathize with everyone else's vantage points, respecting them by being the least harmful I can in getting what I want - preferably not harmful at all. Sacrifice should only happen when in the absence of sacrifice someone else would hurt for it. I feel that too many people sacrifice and it ends up hurting them - Is that what sacrifice is meant to do to us? Maybe they're doing it wrong? I don't believe sacrifice should happen if it leaves you hurt in a way that you can't cope with. If you're always sacrificing for everyone, all the time, then all you are is a self-tormented, self-proclaimed martyr. No one likes a self-proclaimed condescending hero. That's no hero at all.

And we all want to be heros in our own lives.

All the heroes in my life are humble, wise, respectful, and empathetic. 

Maybe traveling with a travel partner - and doing it right so that no one is defined always by one thing or emotion - maybe that just means, making yourself your hero. Maybe thats what life is, making yourself into your hero - the one you always admired and strove to be. Be that person with those ideal characteristics, and only for yourself. I think if I do it right then other people will follow me, and they will you also - because when we are heroes for ourselves the secondary result is becoming a hero for others.