Turning Dark to Light - The Art of Solo Travel

There is a particular struggle that comes in solo travel, that I think emphasizes the struggle of every day life. Everyone is solo traveling in their life. But struggle, is  apart of every day life so sometimes it doesn’t feel at all like struggling. What westerners would call “struggle” in a third world country, doesn’t necessarily feel like that there. People are just surviving the way they were raised to survive. Maybe that’s a struggle for someone unfamiliar with a third world way of life, but for many it's simply instinct and upbringing. Its just people doing what they have to do. There’s no desperation. No sense of defeat. It’s just that, everyone has a goal in mind and the struggle can come from feeling whether that goal is attainable or not. Get clean drinking water today - that’s doable. Have a hot shower today – doesn’t feel as doable. Sometimes the goal is there, and you can reach it, but it takes a hell of a lot of work to get to it. There’s always an “ah shit” moment when I realize that I’m not halfway to my goal like I might have thought. There aren’t too many ah shit moments in my day-to-day, but they’re there. Sneaking up on me. And it’s never ah shit I don’t want to do that. It’s ah shit I have to do that to make the next step.

I discovered that all of the “ah shits” seem to mesh together into one big unhappy response. That’s my negative side. Sometimes when my negative comes out, it’s hard to shut her up. Then, if or when the negative takes over completely, I become impatient, distant, bored, and albeit angry. Testy. Touchy. Tetchy.  It’s like I’m off of my drug (the drug of positive thinking). That’s when the struggle kicks in. It becomes lonely, and I’m too irritable to make friends because I don’t trust anyone (because the trusting turns off too).  I’m looking up at the mountain I have to climb to get to my goal (for me its, enlightenment, goodness, the next step), and, rather than enjoying doing it, I think, “ah shit” I still have to do all this stuff.

Where is the joy in it?

That's the struggle in solo travel, in life and for everyone - it's keeping the negative thinking inside tamed, and quiet. Otherwise, when the negative comes out from the darkness, all of the light and goodness of life goes and hides from it, waiting until its gone. Getting it gone is tough.

Usually when I am negative, The Universe sends me an omen to redirect my thinking attention. The other day, I was in the jungle enjoying a rugged bicycle adventure. 30km, in a $2 rental bike, with unpaved torn up roads, was a challenging adventure. The challenge was to enjoy it. I wasn’t. I was alone in the jungle (which adds a sense of danger and excitement) biking to a lake where there would be crocodiles and rhinoceros (otherwise which I know nothing about). There was hardly any bike cushion, and my ass was sore from riding over the rocks, so I had to stop a few times to walk it off. The bruises were there for days. Thanks to the rugged roads, I mastered balance while jackhammering by the time the day was done. I didn’t see any rhinos, or crocs. I just biked to the watering hole on the other side of the jungle, explored a little bit, took pictures, and biked back.

While I biked I thought about some things. Like:

There always seems to be a couple of Nepali guys who want to know where I’m from. And after I tell them, they always want me to repeat it. I’ve contemplated not answering at all, but isn’t that rude? It’s not like it’s the same guy every time, it’s not like he’s saying anything rude, or sexual, and I am obviously a foreigner. But then what if, because it happens all the time every day, I begin to feel harassed? Is that just the next guy’s problem? Don’t get me wrong, I know what harassment feels like and I know how to handle myself in those situations. I went to school in New York City – I have heard all kinds of catcalls, and experienced all kinds of forwards. But here in Nepal, it’s just “hello miss, what is your name?” or just “hello” or “where are you from?” My immediate thought is usually, why are you talking to me? But, isn’t that a negative way of thinking? I often respond by saying my answer and spark a conversation, or I walk away without words thinking; pretend you don’t know he’s talking to you. It does feel like harassment if the guy walks up beside me, while I am walking, and takes side steps while he asks me these questions. That’s often when I say "Hello" and keep moving, or pretend I don’t speak the language he is talking to me in. Why are you side stepping your way onto my path? No, I don’t want to buy anything from you.

In those moments I am relying on my instinct to show me the good people, and keep me away from the bad ones. It’s not my problem how they talk. It’s my problem how I deal with it. I realize that how I perceive these encounters can become very negative. But there are ways of staying safe without being negative – for sure. The best thing to do is just to walk away, and join casual conversations that come up naturally. Be honest. I can determine whether I am being presented an opportunity to create sincere and good friendships, or I can walk away because being with some people doesn’t give me the feeling of friendship. It’s just an internal judgment that I make. Trust your instincts, it's God’s voice in you.

Whatever way I handle any situation, my negative side still sneaks up on me sometimes. And when that happens, suddenly I’m closed off, and suspicious of every guy who is trying to talk to me without purpose. That’s when I get stressed. Then it’s like I’m sick – I can’t just turn it off because I hate it, it’s a sickness, I have to take care of myself to get over it - and when I’m sick I just want my mommy and that can lead to loneliness. I told myself when I began this trip, I will think of my family often but I will not dwell. Dwelling is just another negative thing to bring me down. Why is some invisible negative force always trying to bring me down!?

Partway through the first leg of my bike ride, my thinking pattern revealed an epiphany. When my first response to people or situations is the sad or unhappy part of the experience, it blocks all of my pure judgment and instinct. Trusting in my instinct guides my way more often than not. So when I’m negative, is when I feel lost. When that happens, I can’t hear my instinct and I'm making calls based on anger and fear rather than instinct. By then I can't even tell if I'm acting on fear or intuition. Then I'm completely blind.

It’s the same struggle in every life. It’s hard to hear God when my ears are clogged with negative shit. It’s hard to have confidence, trust, openness, insight, and love. That’s what the negatives take away from me. So I fight it off, because that’s my trust and my love! That’s my confidence! I will fight to the death for those. The hardest battle is internal between light and dark.

Sometimes, I am so deep in negative mode, that I forget how to fight it off. Herein lies the omen that the Universe will give me in my darkest moments. When I am that far deep, like that short period that I wasn’t fully enjoying my bike adventure, I come across an omen that helps. Today I said a few prayers and it got me through the biking so that I was able to change my attitude and really love it. I laughed at all of my pain, how bad the roads were, how my shitty bicycle could endure it. It was funny. But only after I manifested some muscle pain. Muscle pain from negativity I bet. Stress in the shoulders, negativity in the hips.

I did some yoga, and more prayers.

It helped.

But it wasn’t until I came across this amazing passage in a book I’m reading by Florence Scovel Shin called “The Power of the Spoken Word.” She showed me exactly what I was experiencing, and why, and how to change it.

“All life is vibration. You combine with what you notice, or you combine with what you vibrate to. If you are vibrating to injustice and resentment you will meet it on your pathway, at every step. You will certainly think it is a hard world and that everybody is against you. Hermes Trismegistus said several thousand years ago, “To change your mood you must change you vibrations.” I make it even stronger; I say, to change your world, you must change your vibrations. Turn on a different current in our battery of thought, and you’ll see the difference immediately.

Then, she persists to give an exciting affirmation that clicked with me immediately.

“God appreciates me, therefore every one and every thing appreciates me. I appreciate my self.”

The reason that affirmation worked for me, was not because I was having a hard time appreciating my self, but because I wasn’t appreciating the world around me, and that affects my appreciation of self. The world is very much a part of me, and I am a part of it. If I treat it negatively, I feel negative in my life – mostly because the world will get negative right back. I didn’t appreciate how my self was responding to the universe, and I could see negative patterns and experiences becoming more frequent. I thought, if every one and every thing appreciates me, than I should appreciate every one and every thing right back. Let’s turn on a happy face, world, lets have some sunshine. With that, I condemned my negative thoughts, saying that I want back my happy, trusting, open, loving self.

Then, instantly the day got brighter. Instantly. I felt all my negativity float away. I remember one of my favorite sayings, When you look at the world and think ‘this is terrible’ God says, “terrible? You haven’t seen anything yet…” but when you look at the world and think, “this is perfect” God says, “perfect? You haven’t seen anything yet…”

I just have to look at it as good and perfect. One of my moral rules, which I inherited from my friend Stephanie whom I met in Ireland, is to never complain. I catch myself when I slip up and begin to complain, but having the rule helps me. Complaining just perpetuates more negative thoughts. It’s for that reason that I love ignorance. I want to be ignorant of pain, sorrow, and negativity. If I can be ignorant to the negative things that some people focus on, then I can blissfully go about my day enjoying every second – no matter what happens.

I finished my bike ride like a rock star, loving every bit of it.

That’s how I say “bye” to the Pandora’s Box of negative thinking.

Now I’m ready, again, for every moment to be anew, and to look at the world with light and wonder.

I will put up a fight against darkness. Fight loneliness and boredom with love and trust. We are all journeying through our lives. We are alone, while never alone. Remembering that we’re never alone is a lot harder to do, since feeling alone can be so easy. Seeing the glass half full, and still asking for more, is not gratitude or love. It’s just half full, which is better than half empty or nonexistent. That’s the journey that everyone experiences solo. The internal battle between light and dark. That’s everyone’s life, isn’t it? It’s the struggle of solo travel.

My challenge is the same as everyone else’s. Have poise. Follow intuition. Be open. Be positive. Love endlessly. Meditate. Keep my personal space organized. Take care of my body. Be kind. Have patience. Follow the bright side. Be fearless and without worry. Keep silence sacred. Say “I can” all the time. Be good with the world.

Then the light will overcome the dark, and all that’s left to experience is goodness. Peace and prosperity go hand in hand. That’s the beautiful universe at work. The art of the world.

The art of solo travel.